lamanya.

aku semakin rajin dan malas. rajin buat kerja. tu pun sbb terpaksa. dah dekat seminggu aku balik malam. damn you PETRONAS! tapi aku makin malas nak buat kerja kat rumah. dulu sebelum pindah, aku rasa aku akan jadi rajin. tapi tu semua ayat2 yang nak sedapkan hati sendiri.

pejam celik aku dah nak kawin. pejam celik lagi 3-4 bulan. ready kah aku? walaupun sebenarnya aku rasa aku tak layak jadi bini orang, tapi i take it as a challenge. im twenty-fucking-six already.
bercakap pasal umur, aku rasa aku semakin jauh. kita bukan semakin muda, tapi semakin banyak umur, semakin dekat kita dengan-Nya. walaupun kita tak tahu bila tiba masa kita, but naturally, thats how people perceive. tazkirah di pagi hari jumaat betul2 meninggalkan kesan kpd aku. ready kah aku?

tazkirah pagi tadi aku cuba nak relatekan dengan mimpi sedih malam tadi. aku mimpi aku bercakap dgn 'arwah' abah. abah cakap dia happy dapat lalu tali siratulmustakim dgn laju sekali. i was like. 'abah, are u dead????' masa tu kat rumah kosong yg dah roboh, aku tak tau rumah sape. tiba2 aku nampak tangan. bila aku approach, it was abah's hand! tiba2 next scene, i saw mom crying bitterly. somehow i knew that this dream is trying to tell me something. something that i am not sure of. and there, standing behind me, a tall man trying to comfort me. i do not know who the heck he was. haih.

i wish to be a good daughter. i wish i knew myself better.

now its open session with my kekasih. dah lama tak open up. its about time.

im scared.

sakit perot

hmm.. i think ive skipped blogging for few days. thanks for my piling workload.

lemme update. on 2/5 ari tu.. we've finally moved to KJ. mmg penat.. dekat seminggu dok mengemas.. pack n unload. bila dah masuk kj.. kena kemas2 lagi. very the tiring. tu pun nasib baik la mak panggil indon2 dtg tlg (with minimal pay of course) and orang2 kuat (menantu2 dan bakal menantu) dtg tlg. kebetulan ja and aizad pun ada.. kurangla skit beban. abah dah tak larat.. sian kt dia.

ari isnin tu aku mcm sakit gile pinggang. actually my whole body ache like hell. i knew ive been abusing my body.. siann kt aku. huk. tp takpela.. i hate to see things not in order. still tak abis kemas lagi tapi ok la.. tinggal nak tebuk dinding n tampal2 je apa yg patut ditampal.


tuesday, 6 may
smlm lunchtime aku gi visit roslen kt hukm. gi asing2 dgn ex2 opismet. ramai gak yg gi visit dia. sedih je tgk dia.. tgh sihat2 tetiba jd camtu. anytime je tuhan tarik nikmat Dia kan? :( but she's in good condition.. stable. doc dah amik air tulang blkg dia.. adoi la.. aku dgr pun ngeri. i was supposed to go through the same process but i refused. aku tanak la.. :( tak berani. i hope my blood is ok now.

balik umah smlm kitorg gi TTDI beli plastik utk ayuni n gi OU. beli brg sket n mkn koay teow sup. ayg mkn sushi dia lagi. hehe. comel jepp. pastu kitorg buang tebiat mkn durian kat situ jugak hehe.

ok lah. ari ni dah rabu. its gonna be a long month.. too many activities, meetings and programs!! kekadang fedap pun ada.. i need a damn breakkkkkkkkkk

jumaat yang gloomy

hari ni hari jumaat. smlm 1st may, sume org cuti, which also marks the 33rd anniversary of mak n abah. whoaa.. lama gila kawin :) semoga mak dan abah kekal bahagia (hiccups di sana sini adalah perkara biasa dlm perkahwinan). mak is a strong woman, despite abah's unpredictableness. nonetheless, i love them both :)

smlm gak pagi2 aku dah ajak ayg gi cari cincin. huk. dekat 2 jam setengah gak la gi habib ampang point tu. ramai gak orang.. sama mcm bln 12 kitorg gi dulu. ari tu beli cincin dia.. and it was my turn yesterday. punyala susah aku nak pilih cincin.. one is 1800 and another is 900. separuh harga tu beza! tp ayg insist nak beli yg 1.8k tu.. well.. he's lucky im not into jewelleries.. so cincin kawin kena beli yg besh sbb considered 'one-time' purchase.. (tak tau la kalau2 dah tua nanti tetiba tersuka pulak cincin kan hehe). dont worry sayang.. i will try not to bazir duit to buy all those blingbling.

lepas tu kitorg gi kajang.. umi ajak makan ramai2. segan gak la.. tp wat mcm biasa jek hehehe. umi masak gulai udang tempoyak dgn sayur lemak labu + ikan bawal dgn sambal. fuhfuh sedap! lama tak mkn ikan bawal sambal tu. sheila pun ada.. lepas mkn layan cite jgn pdg blkg. tak pnah tgk pun cite tu. tak minat. tp layan je la.

kul 4 kitorg chow.. gi homedec. sakit kaki aku jalan kat situ sbb mcm besar jek tpt tu. tp takde hasil.. tak bes sgt la.. aku nak cari wardrobe tapi takde plak. ikea dah panggil hehehe.

skang ni duit dlm BR tu pun dah merosot. 2k dah abis kt cincin jek. hadoi. which tells that we need to struggle to earn more for our wedding, and our future of course. ayang, apa2 pun kite sama2 keh? huk. and we'll be losing another 1.6k for the new wardrobe. haih. its kinda depressing to think abt money at this mo, pagi jumaat. sgt malas nak bekerja. my body is here but mind is somewhere else. maybe at ayang's :p

mlm ni mesti aku penat gila. its moving out time! fuhfuh god pls gimme energy!!

hari ini saya rajin!

hari ni aku bgn mcm biasa, 540. terus mandi. mcm biasa, malas nak iron baju. main amik je baju. sebaik smlm dah iron suar buruk kelabu asap tu.

pastu aku asyik teringat dlm blog ikin.. dia buat 'egg -in-a-hole'. bunyi mcm pervert. but the pic in her blog looked so tempting!

i was planning to take a nap but I stayed up instead. aku bukak blog dia balik, tgk cara2 buat roti tu. mmg dia tak tulis, dia mention sikit je. aku pun pegi dapo, terus semangat buat. aku sapu marjerin kat roti, baru buat bulat kat tengah2 tu. patut pakai cookie cutter but since i dont have one, aku potong je pakai pisau. pastu aku pun panaskan la roti tu. tp mcm bodow gak la sbb aku terlupa nak letak minyak masa goreng roti tu. hampeh. pastu bila dah kunin2 skit, aku letak telur kat tengah2. it was fun! hahaha.. lama siot aku tak masak. its not abt cooking that's fun, tapi sbb im doing something new. and its been ages since i last cooked. damn. well i consider it 'cooking' even i only fried the bread + egg.

aku buat 2 keping. the next loaf tu aku buat lawa sikit. practice makes perfect. hahaha. im so happy i tried the 'egg-in-a-hole' today. :D
ari ni kitorg plan nak lunch beramai2.. tp yg muda2 je. malas nak ajak yg lain.. tak sama wavelength. yg join ptg nt.. azrul, liyana, ainiz, trainees, syamir. fariz tak reply lg nak join ke tak. tp ok la tu.. dah meriah dah. pg nnt aku nak kena book nando's. huuhuh sdapnyehh

monday blues

ngantuknya pagi ni. padahal smlm takdela lambat sgt tido (simptom malas pegi kerja hari isnin). ari ni pun mendung semacam je.. sama mcm mood aku hehe.

rasa mcm cepat sgt masa berlalu.. rasa mcm baru je jumaat malam.. which i love the most.. sbb ada 2 hari utk rehat.. tp rehat sgt ke aku? huuhuh..

sabtu baru ni ayg dah bitau kat umi pasal kitorg.. :) yeay.. finally! hehehe.. kiranya stage kitorg skang cam dah start and panaskan engine.. tinggal nak accelerate je.. which is soon insya allah.

we will start planning for our big day soon. tp tunggu lepas aku pindah umah.. isk nak pindah ni pun satu hal. tak kemas apa pun sgt lagi huk :(

ok la.. dah nak start kerja dah.. tp nak makan roti dulu. hehe.

hmph

takde apa pun nak dicerita. pagi ni tgh sedap mimpi dlm lrt.. tetiba ada buku jatuh atas riba aku. sakit nak mampus! akak yg diri kat dpn aku tu ckp sorry. tu takpe lagi. tp aku mmg tekejut la.. mase tu kt stesen kl sentral dah. (kacau je aku nak tido) pastu aku sambung tido. sekali buku tu jatuh atas riba aku lagi. mangkuk ayun! waaaaaaa tensen2! last2 aku bgn, suruh dia duduk. tp ayat aku mcm kasar skit. "duduk la duduk" hhahha isk kejam plak. tp dia pun satu. kalau dah tau takleh nak grip palang besi tu sape suruh bace buku dlm lrt!? eeeeee!!!

potong btul la. haih. harap2 ari ni aku tak stress la.. kena call rozana CPDD tanya dia available ke tak on 9th-10th for away day. huhu. now i take the lead. i dare not to but i have to. dah keja aku camtu. dem. hope everything will run smooth.. amin!

and aku kena start buat weekly report. aku tak start lagi. skang nak kena korek balik kat mana aku tulis daily task aku. haduh.

smlm igt nak edit gambar linda. tp tak larat la. tp gambar syamsul dah siap la. lorat la jantan tu. tunang dia pon sama. aku dah ckp delivery 2 minggu.. ni baru seminggu dah kecoh. huh!

hish pepagi dah penuh dgn hatred. huk.

writers block!

hmm.. pepagi ni dah kena writers block. words couldnt come. kena buat write up for monday's speakers corner. haih. im not a writer u see.. but i gotta write. its part of my tasks. but so far im surviving. its not so hard. i just gotta push myself harder. kena banyak baca article la pasni. nak goreng tu pun dah sepasal. smlm bday ayg. sian dia tak bg apa pun.. banjer tgk gambus goes latin kat philharmonik jep. the show was awesome, really worth every penny spent. tp syg nye aku ngantuk gila sbb mlm before tu tido lmbt gilos. first time jejak kaki kat situ.. impressive! lighting sume cun. not forgetting farid ali and the gang, but the percussionist yg buat the show tu livelier. ade ke ketuk percussion dgn siku. pastu muka penuh perasaan je hehehe.. hari ni pun mcm moody je dtg keje. smlm ckp kat ayg.. rasa semacam je kat ofis smlm. mebi sbb monday tu aku MC and no one was around to assist czy to do presentation to VP. hmm salah aku ke pun? and all presentation slides dah ready utk geko tu. tp satu je aku risau.. banner + poster + away day. huuhhu.. mebi gak czy marah sbb aku decline tanak lead utk away day. haih. all these things keep buggin in my head. hopefully hari ni all things will go well, since cza oso nt around (i hope so!!) :p ayang.. nnt kite spend time sama2, kita haf a deep chat yeh? kite cite pasal life.. pasal future.. pasal kite.. org tau org banyak push ayang benda2 tu sume.. cant help it hehehe.. org pun harap rship org dgn ayg diberkati.. banyak benda yg org nak borapp dgn ayg huk. btw hope u had fun last nite.. sorry syg.. org tak reti nak plan surprise ke apa ke.. nanti kite plan mcm2 lg tau.. or maybe we do things we never do before :) (kalau dah kawin lg senang hehe).

hmm i'll try find some time early in the morning everyday (insya allah) to continue babbling in my blog. sian blog dah bersarang. gotta get back to work.

from pet wif luv!

hm. lamanya tak menulis2. today's already my 22nd day @ PET. how time flies eh (especially in PET!).

my first day was ok, as I expected, kitorg (me and suziana) di bawak berkenal²an dgn org PMU, termasuk kat tower 1. ive got my place oledi, quite a huge cubicle for an exec. mcm ala2 AM kat bernama dulu. (which tells my task is somewhat similar to an AM in bernama kot??)

i was supposed to go for PIPE (cant recall what it means) b4 joining PET but my boss, Puan CZY requested me to get in the office and go for PIPE later. (shows that im very much needed in the dept!). went for an event mgmt course on the 2nd week. (im THAT lucky) since my title is Event Mgmt & Comm. Exec. (sounds fun but..)

one thing that i noticed is they all looooooooove to eat! hehe bagusla, gemok skit aku.

hmm. tak sempat nak tulis banyak. i hope i can survive here. the workload is killing me softly. haih. theres no such thing as easy job kan. :|

hm today is busyup's bday. planning to watch gambus goes latin @ DPO tonite :) tis is our first time celebrating his bday together. yeay! happy bday syg.. hope yr special day brings u all the joy in life and happiness together, forever :)

mwahhhh!
signing off.

"unemployed" still.

today marks the second day as an unemployed. hehe. woke up at 1030 (heavennnnn!!) and my stomach started to grumble. ye lah, aku tak dinner semalam. hmm :>

bangun2 je terus makan nasik lemak abah beli. abah kuar gi klang. mak kerja. cicik kerja. mcm biasa, i was all alone. lepas makan nasik lemak, terus edit gambar linda. dah siap edit gambar sanding, yg tandang punya sikit pun aku tak transfer dari camera lagi. damn. tinggal baper hari je lagi nak setel. tak tau la sempat ke tak =/

pastu aku update FP since linda dah tak sabar sgt nak tengok. i was quite happy with the outcome. imagine what i can do if im a fulltime photog (pinjam ayat syg). mesti aku edit kaw kaw nye. linda, your lucky that im on leave for a week. hehehe.

petang kuar dgn raja.. dah janji nak tgk movie. ive been dying to watch 27 dresses since last month. i love katherine heigl. she's natural and sweet. she could be the next jennifer aniston, kot? plus, the movie is about weddings! 27 dresses; a nice movie overall. not so fast, not so slow, good plot, pleasing-to-the-ear soundtracks and good cordination (puji lebih lak). and raja knew i was so into the movie (hehhehe i love u busyup!) well.. he always notice the unnoticeables (tho my face really shows how i feel sometimes hehe..)

on the way home, i did something terrible. raja was storytelling abt his bestfren, then i started to sing. silly me!! i shouldnt have done that in the first place and i felt soooooooooo bad.. and raja was kinda agitated with me. :( im terribly sorry sayang.. i promise i wont repeat the same stupid mistake. huk. it was so insensitive of me.. :(

and for the rest of the night, i feel bad.

but gotta get ready for tomorrow. a second big step, kena sign loan agreement! fuh.. my first time signing contracts. eh wait! ive signed something similar last monday. loan keter! haha. so this would be my 3rd big step. oh wait. wats the first one?? oh yea, tukar kerja! gheez.. its just the first quarter of the yr and im already changing my career, buy a new car for mak n abah and applied for loans. it shows that im old enough now. im bloody 26 this yr!! erkkkkk.

maka bermulalah..

hari ni first day aku duduk rumah. semalam dah resign tapi belum official. tak bagi surat resign lagi. sbb ape? sbb aku dok tunggu bank rakyat tak approve2 lg loan application aku. lembab. sangat. selagi diorg tak bg aku sign loan tu, selagi tu aku tak boleh bagi tender. sbb? nnt leceh aku nak kena reapply bila masuk pet. dem.

semalam, hari paling sedih untuk tahun ni. boss buat small gathering. boss belanja nasik lemak ayam sorang sepinggan. first time aku tengok kak bedah letak lapik meja siap dgn mangkuk tembikar ada isi sambal dgn timun kat dalam tu. sebelum2 ni tak pernah lak deco secantik tu (I was flattered, really!).

boss started the majlis by saying good luck to me. (aku tak nangis lagi, sempat lagi dok shoot sana sini guna digicam abah). pastu boss suruh aku cakap. oh shit. this is it! aku ckp thanks kat boss sbb hire aku bla bla yada yada. and terima kasih sbb banyak ajar aku psl ofis. aku started off with Za. aku tak sangka aku tercakap kat dia yang aku tau dia marah aku masa kat bandung tu. haha. well, aku tak suka pendam. aku bukan jenis org yg pendam. aku kena luahkan. kalau tak, aku rasa rimas. masa tu air mata mencurah2. i could barely talk. but i survived.

move on to fadul. i didnt have anything much to say to him. aku just ckp thanks and selamat bekerja kat situ (takde idea). pastu dgn kak bedah. pun takde idea walaupun aku tau aku banyak dosa dgn dia. :( aku ckp aku syg dia, aku minta maaf kalau terkasar. orang penang mmg kasar (sempat buat lawak).

kat dash, aku ckp ini la time utk dia shine and dpt recognition dari boss. (konon aku ni mcm rival dia.. podah!) aku ckp thank you for the friendship, walaupun dulu pernah bergaduh, but im glad things are the way it used to be now. (aku syahdu gila masa ni tapi berjaya tahan). time kak shima, aku dah blank. aku tgk kak shima dari awal dah nangis. ramai yg nangis, aku rasa semua nangis termasuk boss. aku tak sangka diorg akan nangis (tipu!). tp fadul tak nangis la kan.. kalau dia nangis mau aku pelik kejap kot.

aku ckp aku plg rapat dgn kak shima. kak shima banyak ajar aku psl kerja, pasal life. aku ckp kak shima banyak ajar aku erti sabar. which is true. im a different person now. (maybe sbb aku dah tua sama kot) hmm. aku dah tak tau nak ckp apa. aku tanak kehilangan kak shima. sbb aku syg dia. aku anggap dia mcm kakak aku sendiri. ntah2 lebih dari kakak aku.. kat kak aju pun sama.. aku ckp thanks and sorry for everything. aku tau aku banyak lukakan hati diorg.. tp aku tak perfek. thats what i said to them. harap diorg maafkan aku dan halal segala makan minum aku kat situ.

satu hari aku tak buat kerja sgt. banyak melepak. badan aku kat ofis tapi kepala aku merewang ke tempat lain. tapi bukan di petronas. aku tak rasa hati aku kat petronas. hati aku di bernama. aku sedih sgt. sedih tinggalkan kawan2 rapat. sedih sbb banyak kenangan kat situ. almost 2 yrs aku kat sana. banyak yg aku belajar. dan sekarang, aku blah bila boss dah start percayakan aku. inilah takdir, kot? aku harap nasib aku lebih baik di petronas although i dunno whats gonna happen to me there. aku harap rezeki aku lebih murah. aku harap kehidupan aku lebih happy (sbb ada duit lebih boleh simpan utk savings) dan beranak pinak later.

aku sgt sedih.

nak balik tu, kak shima, kak bedah n darsh jumpa aku lagi. kak shima cakap aku special. omg. aku hampir2 nangis. tp dalam hati mmg dah nangis gila. aku tahan. aku tak tau mcm mana nak tengok mata kak shima. aku rasa sedih sgt. rasa bersalah sbb terpaksa tinggalkan dia. ikutkan hati, aku tak sanggup tinggalkan bernama. aku sayang sgt kat diorg. :(

petronas jahat!! tak apalah, jarah ofis tak jauh mana. aku harap aku dpt jumpa diorg kat luar ofis. maybe aku boleh lepak kat ampang park. maybe diorg pun boleh jumpa aku kat klcc. masa tu nanti, mesti semua indah. :)

hari ni mmg totally wasted. aku duduk rumah, tak buat apa. indahnya rasa menjadi penganggur terhormat! (even if its just for a week). hari yg tak produktif. aku bangun lambat. qadha tido sampai lemau. aku update iklan DS dgn marryme kat few websites (FOC of course). tak kuasa aku nak bayar utk advertisement dah.

petang, kul 430 kuar amik mak kat ofis. singgah tgk rumah kj. aku tak paham apsal abg syed nak letak tiles penuh2 kat dining hall. gila kampung! mak cakap, tu rumah dia, kita tak boleh cakap apa. tapi aku cakap, mmg la rumah dia, tapi kita yang bayar sewa. suka hati laa kan? aku tak kira. aku nak pasang gak cermin besar kat dining hall tu. aku rasa mcm tak best gak sbb aku tak dpt buat apa yg aku nak. ye lah, skang ni aku tak bayar sewa full. tp bila aku kawin, aku bayar full, aku rasa aku ada hak nak tukar apa2 kat rumah tu. ego ke? tak sensitive ke aku? keras kepala? kurang ajar? tak respek? apa2 lah. i will discuss with raja nak ubah memana yang patut kat rumah tu nanti (lepas kawin).

esok, hari kedua lepak. tak ada plan. keluar dgn busyup. rindu ngat!!

tiada tajuk lagi.

dah kul 5.30 pagi.. ive been awake since 4 bloody a.m. again, for the very time, aku kena diarrhoea. bloody hell. dah baper kali dah pegi kenduri kena cirit birit ni. i will make sure my wedding nanti no one will ever kena anything. :(

but today's one wasnt that bad. thank god i still have last year's prescription (last year???). i didnt want to wait any longer.. i cant be bothered to go to clinic at this hour. malas la. telan je lah ubat lama tu. i think its working now.

my busyup replied my text and i called him right after. tengok2 dia pun cirit. must be the blardy food at the wedding. harap2 linda n hubby tak kena sama.

its almost 6am now. better get ready for work. well.. i dont want to be on mc today.. since tomorrow wud be my last day.. a new life is approaching.. haih..

im so happy to leave for petronas.. but on the other hand.. im exxxxxxxtremely sad!! i will surely miss my dearest frens esp shima and dash.. za oso.. she's been nice to me as well.. guys, i wish you luck in everything you do.. and please pray for me.. i dunno whats waiting for me there.. i hope i can make it.. i will change, for the better insya allah.. sayang pls pray for me and for US too.. huk huk :(

id better go.

ngeeeee!!

its been a REALLY hectic week for both of us. nasib baik raja tgh sem break. kalau tak, mesti mcm2 benda lagi yg pending. sebaik gak la client pi kensel job last week.. kalau tak.. mmg tak tido malam la kitorg

aku lega sgt2 sbb dpt abiskan wat album k aisyah. dpt submit everything today.. since shes going back to UK tomorrow. tp pada jugak lah.. 2-3 mlm kitorg tido kul 3-4 pagi. Raja pun sian sgt kt dia.. dia ada 2 job yg pending.. 2 hari tido kul 6-7 pagi. dgn projek notpot dia lagi tu.. iskisk sian syg org tupp.. meh nak re-cap.

monday 10/3
aku mc.. malas nak gi keje sebenarnye.. bg alasan sakit perut. tp tgh menses la pun. doc mcm bengang je hehehe. lantak lah. mak pun cuti ari ni. supposed balik penang tp mak tak sihat.. tak balik ngundi pun. speaking of which, aku takut la nnt.. tah ape nak jd dgn penang.. silap2 satu ari nnt aku takde kampung dah. god forbid! ari ni ingat nak gi buat medical check up tp takleh amik urine.. baik x yah gi je.

tuesday 11/3
gi kerja mcm biasa. malas gak sebenarnye. tp pegi je lah. nothing much happened, just that we went to the mines, had a meet up with a client (muaz - he's alexz's brova)

wed 12/3
took a day off today, went for medical check up at drs young n newton. i fuking hate the staff there. fucking arrogant n unfrendly to the bones!! damn. dont act like ure the doctor-know-all when ure just some bloody nurses whokayy!!? *(&@%*(@&%*@. i had to get my urine recheck since im on the verge of the 'closure of menses' err.. is there such word??? hehehe..

thurs 13/3
i finally popped the news to me boss and she looked bitter. well.. i know she's starting to love me (in a way of course) and she's started to hv faith in me since multaqa the other day. i worked my ass off and now it pays off! heck.. i told her that its hard for me to leave the department since im already closed with everybody else, its not about her, nor the fellas, i just need a career change. i told her i need to do something for myself, for my future. yeah i kept on babbling til i almost shed a tear.

ptg gi jmpa laila kurma.. gi beli lagi sample n kurma utk k ajue, esok dia nak dtg amik kat office. pastu mlm gi jmpa k malini.. dia nak test kurma.

fri 14/3
came late to office, had to go for another (blarrrrrrdy!!) urine test. as expected, i failed!!! not again!! i almost cried and yelled in front of d (blarrrrrrdy!!) doc. tapi doc tu sgt garang.. i kept cool and he gave me some meds. and now i must comply to the course or else i'll fail another test. demmitt!! and the meds cost me (blarrrrrrdy!!) RM63!! masuk office dah half day, no one in the office. sebaik boss tak marah. darsh helped me a lot la this morning.. dia dah masukkan story dlm web. kalau tak lg terkangkang la aku hari ni. boss gi tgk sedara dia meninggal.. kak bedah gi meeting benita (betina ke benita?? haha) fadol pegi solat jumaat.. za coti.. k aju n k shima mmg tgh maternity leave and darsh was on EL. fuh. sunyi sepi.

mlm pegi jumpa azian.. gi beli bekas teloq tembikar.. i kinda like her products.. lain dari yg lain.. pastu g jmpa lg sorang potential client dia nak sample kurma ceklat gak.. mintak2 la dia beli huk2.

sat 15/3
gi shoot wedding linda n partner (shahiri) or something. cantik gila make up dia ok.. but it costs around (blarrrrrrdy!!) RM800!! make up artist tu dtg dari indon.. he used to work on a contract basis with RTM.. i think so. dia ada lah tunjuk gambar2 dlm digicam dia.. dia dah make up dynas. .anita sarawak.. and the list goes on and on forever. hmmmm now im contemplating.. hehehhehe.. sayang.. boleh eyyhhhhhh.. 800.. sanggup tak? your soon-to-be wifey will look even more pretttttiiiiierrrrrrrr... boleh laa yehhhhh? hehehhehee.. :>

sun 16/3
pagi tak pegi mana.. dok umah je.. lipat baju skit2. tengahari raja amik.. gi jmpa client (i was supposed to keep quiet since i kinda despise this fella) tp in the end, i was the one who's mulut like popcorn. hmm.. typical me kot? lepas jumpa diorg.. gi matta fair.. sonok gak lah.. sonok kumpul flyer.. mcm biasa.. buat sampah. mmg tak book any package but i treat it more like a motivation for us to save more money and go holidaying =) isk.. cant wait to be wif u syg.. hukhuk!! nnt kita pegi jln2 sumer2 yeh? huk hukkkk.. ptg balik umah pastu kua balik gi beli nasik beriani kat mak.. mak still tak brp sihat.. biasa mak darah tinggi... tp kali ni low blood pressure lak.. haih im so worried.. hope she'll be fine soon :( and tomorrow's gonna be a long monday (dont we all just hate mondays???)

and just now.. went through some fotopages.. tot-tot.fp.. me and raja reaaaaaaaaallly like her cuppies!! cupcake + personalized doily box + sticker for RM2/pc!! can u believe it?? i hope the cuppies taste good though.. but it kinda worth the money since bebudak 'wunder'milk jual per box for a whopping RM5.50. damn.. see how ppl make money easily? i wish i knew how to bake.. tp utk mkn sendiri ok lah.. nak jual malas la.. oh.. im so getting that cuppies for me wedding!! ive spoken to the bubbly lady-owner.. she's agreed to keep the price at RM2 for me tho me wedding is on this yr end. thank god for that :) oh btw she knows abt me wedding gifts as well hehehe.. here's the sneak peak.. :D its gonna be cuuuuuuuutee!



ok lah. i fink thats all for now. amik ko.. bila tak update.. mmg tak update lansung.. sekali dah update.. aku recap seminggu hahaha.. hope i didnt miss a thang.

alhamdulillah..

im extremely happy today.. akhirnya aku berjaye dpt PETRONAS!! its like a dream come true to me.. ive been dying to get into petronas since i first worked. :) rasanya rejeki kawin kot?? heeeeeeeeeeee

alhamdulillah.. thank you ALLAH.. my prayer has been answered.. aku syukur sgt.. tp aku risau gak la takut tak perform kt sana.. aku rasa banyak yg aku lacking.. takpelah.. anggap la tu satu cabaran for me to polish and shine myself.

sedih gila gak sebenarnya.. nak kena tinggalkan org2 yg aku rapat kat bernama.. and diorg pun sedih bila aku ckp aku dpt keja sana.. i know theyre happy for me but deep inside.. semua org sedih. diorg ckp masa siti blah ari tu tak sedih sgt sbb diorg tak close dgn dia. im sure im gonna cry out loud later.. just wait for my last day in bernama. damn dont even want to imagine it!

i dunno whats gonna happen in the future.. hope everything will turn out well for me and raja.. a new life, new beginning..

smlm aku dgn raja borak lama sgt kat kedai din.. its been a while since we last had a deep and long talk.. and raja had been asking me abt kawen lately.. terharu sgt.. sbb all these while aku je yg dok sibuk tanya dia.. i know ive been pushing you hard sayang.. hehee im sorry yea.. cudnt help it. :p

looking forward to a better job, a better life ahead... insya allah.. hope ill be happy with my decision.. insya allah.. amin!!

kucus kawen

god knows how i missed the bitches sooooo mucho! had the bestest weekend so far (well for the year of 2008 la kan)..

we finally had the time to go kucus kawin secara berjemaah - minus the boys! kucus kat pbd mmg best, very convenient and worth your 80 bucks. awesome food and funny tutors. eh tutors ke? more like councellors, kot?

we made the GRAND entrance for every session, as always. funny how we reminisce our good old days eh? rasa mcm kat kelas dulu2. mcm biasa, centre of attraction. must be dira and aefa. me and nurul, i dont think any one wud ever look at us. hahahhaha. si KECIK dan si BESAR. damn i miss those girls like small kids missing their toys!!

we had so much fun these 2 days.. we chatted along the way, sambil dengar ceramah dari few councellors yang kelakar. tak sangka tetiba je kitorg dah pergi kursus kawin and tup tup aefa kawin bulan 10. how time fliessssssss!! tetiba je dah ada kwek kwek.

speaking about marriage, actually i cant wait to be HIS wife. i hope i can be the best for him, regardless how comot i am, how bad at cooking i'll be. i will try my best to overcome all the negative feelings/thoughts and dream all things beautiful - with HIM! huk.. :(

org syg dia sgt tau. cant wait to pursue my life with you hun.

love u loads and toads!
tecit

abah's bday celebr8tion

today's abah's 57th birthday.. rasa abah baru je umur 52 ari tu.. tup tup dah 57.. cepatnya masa berlalu (funny how we keep on saying how time flies yet we dont really achieve anything in the meantime hehe).

and today's the final day of the week. tomorrow's CNY, as well as the day after tomorrow. so its a long holiday for everyone. hari ni cina semua makan besar kat rumah. jalan mmg clear habis. kan bagus kalau cina makan besar hari2.

Raja hantar aku mcm biasa kat lrt, dia ada kelas mlm ni. oh, he looks gorgeous today, never saw him wearing purple shirt. pes taim tengok. comel ngatt!! i loike! hehee.. dgn rambut baru (spikey) dia tu.. ehhehe..

aku tertido dlm lrt ptg tadi. supposed turun kat tmn bahagia tapi terlelap tak sedar. skali ada budak laki bagi salam kat aku nak kejut aku suh bangun. bukak mata dah smpi KJ. adoi la. dah lama aku tak buat perangai ni hahaha.. kena patah balik la. tu yg lambat. sian mak abah tgu lama kat lrt.

smpi umah dah almost 8pm. siap2 kejap tetiba je dah almost 9. pg tadi mak dah booked hut kat bora asmara (again!). aku ajak pi bora ombak tapi abah ckp jauh sgt.. btul gak la kan.. kang tak sempat nak gi lepas kerja.. btw saidah dgn husband dtg umah kul 830. rupanya diorg join dinner sekali.. kekta smpi dulu. pastu mak, abah n aku. pastu kokna n bobo. last skali baru Raja.

ntah apa benda la yg aku order.. koteau goreng kot. tak selera la. maybe sbb aku tgh menses kot. tak pun sbb aku kenyang lagi makan lunch tadi kat natrabu smpi RM66 hahahha sumpah aku tanak pegi situ dah!!

aku awal2 dah request kat kokna suh tunggu Raja smpi baru bagi besday present. pastu kitorg wat seprais la.. abah was so happy to get a digicam. well.. it was my idea tho hahah nak gak credit tu. kitorg share duit 6 orang.. mahal gak la.. RM814 sbb kokna bayar pakai CC. hope he likes it :)

Raja and Bobo lak lepas makan dok buat gaya chef ismail dlm iklan wong lo kat tu. pastu amik gambar mcm gay. hahaha sabau je lah! rapat tul dua ekoq tu.. :P ni cuti smpi 4 hari ni. .raja nak pi vacation dgn family dia pi tganu kot. kitorg tak gi memana.. dah short duit :(

apa aku nak buat cuti pepanjang ni? surely imma miss me luv.. hukk.. syg dia sgt.. blum pegi dah windu dah.. iskiskk

ladidumdum..

yesterday, me and raja went for photohunting at K.S. seronot gak, since it was my first time joining FMDC's activity since i first joined the group. dulu tak berkesempatan.. too occupied with weddings. things went well but it was all raining when we got home (around 630) that is.

ari jumaat ari tu kitorg tengok sweeney todd. syok gak la.. like wot fadly said, makin lama makin ganas cite tu, which is true. not bad for a musical movie (please note that I despise musical movies/plays).

ari jumaat tu gak la aku demam. mlm pegi klinik amik ubat. yg bestnya, ptg tu dah hantar veil n krayon kat ustazah nik kat sekolah. mak oi lama gila tak pi skolah, dah almost 8 yrs! mmg tak kenang budi btul aku ni haha. dah banyak berubah skolah tu.. banyak bangunan baru yg dah nampak lama (sbb aku tak penah pegi tgk masa baru siap hehe). mlm lepas klinik, patah balik amik cekak lak.. aku terlupa nak bwk skali. haduss.. sian kat R. penat je dia bwk aku gi sana sini. sorry ye sayang.. buang masa je kan? :(

ari ni dah ahad. tak pegi mana so far. update FP and blog je. boring skit. tapi ok lah. dah makan ubat selsema, ngantup la jap gi ni. krohh krohh time!

...

i dunno whats happening to me breasts now. its kinda swollen.. but from the inside. kalau dari luar, looks normal. takut lah.
semalam kak una cerita dia kena cyst. :( kesian kokna.. benda tu besar 3.4cm dlm rahim. i hope its nothing serious.

aku rasa dlm masa terdekat ni nak kena check la. if kena refer ke hospital.. aku pegi la. takut.. :(

my sayang cut his hair :p

dah lama tak update, since 'kejadian' tu. alhamdulillah, things are better now, between me and him that is. we dont argue anymore, and i think his love for me rose even deeper. (well he'd better be hehe kidding sayang).

aku tanak lagi benda tu ulang lagi, tak kisah la aku atau dia yang buat, tapi ada hikmah di sebalik apa yang berlaku. aku belajar banyak lagi pasal diri dia, rasa mcm baru start relationship. aku rasa masih banyak lagi yg dia tak kenal aku. dan aku pun belajar banyak benda.. aku tak sangka aku boleh tolerate dgn benda tu. aku happy sbb aku berjaya kept myself cool, calm and collected. alhamdulillah..

hari tu aku kecoh sgt tak dapat kredit kad. ingatkan maybank tanak approve. sekali dah dapat kat umah.. cantek gile oke kad dia hahaha. very the stylish. buat aku rasa nak swipe je. tapi aku tanak beli apa.. aku nak beli lens seketul je.. lain takmo.. takde duit. tadi baru dpt gaji bulan januari.. ada la dalam RM2.1k. aku dah withdraw 500.. bg kat abah 100, insuran 100, duit kain kat mak 200, transfer kat ambank 200.. duit besday present abah 136.. bayar celcom 135.. tup tap tup tap tinggal RM900 je dlm bank. whoa!!! dasat!! aku tak bayar lagi bil TM bln ni.. mampus la.. tinggal baper je leh pakai.. itu pun sebaik dpt duit aga khan 400.. kalu tak mgm tinggal 500 je la dlm bank hahha.. aku mmg kena cari duit lebih taun ni... sbb nya.. dah nak pindah umah.. at least aku nak bayar 200/month.. pastu.. aku nak kena buat wardrobe.. and mak pun dah nak pencen.. aku nak bagi kat mak gak nanti bln2.. busuk2 RM100 gak la.. insya allah.. doa2 ada rezeki lebih taun ni..

ari ni pes taim tgk R poton rambut ala gay. hahahhaahaha sorry sayang cant help it. i laughed my ass off the first time i saw him. bukan pasal kelakar but i was sooooooooo shocked and amazed to see my sayang changed a bit. but he still as charming.. :) nanti kita pi jalan sopping beli baju opis ayg eh? org pilih tau...

oh yea.. last thursday (17 Jan) kak shima selamat lahirkan baby girl kat hospital ampang.. its a gomen hospital. syukur alhamdulillah.. the next day (Friday) kitorg gi la visit, thot nak tengok la baby dia.. bila kitorg pegi.. anak dia takde kat tepi dia.. eh cam sedih gak la..sbb dia kena cucuk kat tulang belakang 4 kali.. epidural tak jadi.. adoiiii sakit tulang belakang aku dengar!! bodow nye spital.. bila diorg letak pisau kat perut dia.. dia rasa sakit. 4 kali try pastu rasa sakit lagi. adussssssssssss pedisssssssss aku dengar.

pastuh.. mebi sbb epidural tak jalan dgn kak shima siap kena morfin.. baby dia ada breathing prob. lung infection kot. kalau aku la.. mmg aku saman spital tu. sbbnye bila k shima tanya pasal baby dia.. semua tak jawab. bleh ke camtu?? aku harap kak shima strong enough to go thru all these.. i know she is.. aku nak call dia pun takut kacau.. i know shes sad and all tp aku tak mau kaco dia.. biar la kak bedah yg update kitorg.. doesnt mean that i dont care.. i do.. of course i do. hope everything will be ok sooner or later.

skang kat ompis pun tetiba jadi busy sbb ada event bulan depan. dah start kuar invitations and all.. and agak impromptu sbb Z lambat update. hmm.. no comment. harap2 tak la jadi serabut sbb kat opis ni tinggal 5 orang je nak handle semua benda.. fuh fuh!

seribu tahun

Seribu Tahun - Imran Ajmain

Relaku menunggumu seribu tahun lama lagi
Tapi benarkah hidup aku akan selama ini
Biar berputar ke arah selatan ku tak putus harapan
Sedia setia

Relaku mengejarmu seribu batu jauh lagi
Tapi benarkah kaki ku-kan tahan sepanjang jalan ini
Biar membisu burung bersiulan tenanglah gelombang lautan
Ku masih setia

Adakah engkau tahu… ini cinta
Adakah engkau pasti… ini untuk selama-lamanya

Relaku menunggumu seribu tahun lama lagi
Tapi benarkah hidup aku akan selama ini… yeah…
Biar berputar utara selatan ku tak putus harapan
Sedia setia

Jangan putus harapan… sedia setia……

sedihnya lagu ni.. mcm kena je dgn situation kitorg skang.. rasa mcm nak repeat dngr lagu ni 10 juta kali je. sayang.. mmg susah org nak lupakan ape yg dah jadi.. tapi org cube la ye sayang.. kita dua2 kena kuat.. kalau org tak kuat.. org harap dia dpt kuatkan orang.. kalau dia tak kuat.. org kuatkan dia.. kita membesar sihat dan kuat bagaikan juara! hehehe mwah2..

malam isnin tu kitorg tak tido.. sesi soal jawab n sesi mengaku mcm2.. aku malas nak tulis kat sini.. but one thing i know is sure its going to be hard for me to forget.. of course i forgive him.. sbb benda ni jadi masa kitorg baru nak start rapat.. tp kalau jadi bila aku dgn dia dah couple.. tak tau la nak ckp.. lagi payah aku nak telan kot.. haihh.. aku harap aku cukup kuat nak face semua ni.. mmg senang nak suruh lupa.. easier said than done.. tapi.. aku cuba lah.. everybody makes mistakes.. aku pun ada buat salah.. sedangkan aku pun tak la baik mana.. sbb tu aku tak berkeras pun.. aku tau masa tu dia tak cukup kuat nak melawan segala.. takpe sayang.. org ada kat sini.. apa2 pun jadi kita share.. baik buruk dia org terima.. susah senang kita sama2.. org harap dia tak menyalahguna trust org kat dia dah lepas ni.. kalau jadi gak camni.. wallahua'lam...

ayg jgn ckp org baik ke apa.. org bkn baik.. im just being rational and tolerate.. ada benda yg kita boleh tolerate.. and ada time yg kita takleh bagi muka sgt kat orang.. nanti kena pijak. bila kena pijak, kita yang sakit. bila kita sakit, ada ke orang yg kisah? i know u wont hurt me anymore again sayang.. i trust in you.. kita doa sama2.. bg jodoh kuat.. org nak ada kwek-kwek dgn dia.. mesti comel sbb mak abah die pun comel.. :) im looking forward for the future syg.. i love u so much..

lelaki itu.. dan perempuan ini..

Lelaki(Perempuan) Ini

Kasih, kenanganku
Ingatkah saat saat dulu
Kasih, apakah dirimu
Merasakan semua itu

Ke mana pun langkahku pergi
Ku masih melihat bayanganmu cintaku
Dan kemana pun arah anginku berlari
Hati ini masih kau miliki

Lelaki(perempuan) ini yang selalu mencintamu
Selalu, tanpa ragu
Lelaki(perempuan) ini yang selalu memuja
Hanya dirimu
Yang bertakhta dalam sanubariku
Sanubari ku
Aku yang mencintakan mu
Hanya dirimu…

Karena cintaku, tak berbatas waktu
Karena cintaku, tak mengenal jenuh hatimu
Hatimu…

sayang.. i love u so much.. if only i cud tell the whole world how grateful i am to be with u.. i would.. :( please dont do this to me sayang.. please dont take me for granted.. please open up your eyes and see how faithful i am to you.. please appreciate me and dont treat me the way i shudnt be treated.. org syg sgt kat dia.. no words can describe my feelings to you..

kekadang aku pikir.. ada betulnya org ckp kalau kita syg org tu.. kita kena let him go. tapi in this case, aku tak mampu. aku tak daya. aku syg sgt kat dia. nak let him go to whom? no one owns him but him, himself. i hope he knows how deep my love for him.. sayang.. i hope everything will be back to normal and lets just pretend like yesternight never happened :(

....

Tompi - Cinta Yang Kucari.

meski ku sadari cintaku padamu
penuh kesalahan
aku tlah mendua tlah melupakanmu
abaikan cintamu kuyakin kau tahu
akan segalanya

tiada salah yg telah kau perbuat
hanya keraguanku
apakah kau cinta yg aku tunggu
apakah kau rindu dalam mimpiku
maafkan aku

‘pabila mungkin saat semua berubah
kuharapkan rasa sayang itu tetap ada

reff: dan jangan berakhir cintamu padaku
sungguh ku tak mau kau jauh dariku
maafkan segala raguku padamu
kini kusadari cinta yang kucari

...

taktau la apsal tangan aku gatal nak check phone R mlm tadi. i know i wasnt supposed to but something kept telling me to do so. haih..

skang aku yg nyesal. nyesal sbb R ckp aku tak sepatutnya tahu benda tu and takut benda tu akan keep haunting us for the rest of our lives. aku tak tau mcm mana nak ckp but i think ive said whatever i should to him in the car just now. dont ever put me in par with his ex wife, im not like her, like totally. im very much aware of the consequences of being with a super nice guy filled with pheromone which sometimes scares me to death. but, thats the thing that i must cope and live with and so far, this is the first encounter, with someone's wife. i think i know who she is but i dont dare to reveal her name.. let that be untold.

to be frank, i was shocked because i had never thought i wud read such messages in his hp. never crossed my mind, ever. but i kept myself at ease, pulled all strength i had and i managed to keep myself cool. i know i had been rational enough just now. i was not mad at him, not even a tiny bit. i know hes charming and thats what make others drool. in a way, im happy that hes with me n not with others. im blessed :)

i will not let this matter haunt us in any way anymore. we've had enough in our past lives and i will not anything ruin our relationship. sayang, if ure reading this, i just want u to know that i love u so much that it makes me cry sometimes. i cant even bear the thought of losing you. i will not let you go no matter what. im not mad at you sayang.. i trust you. and now i love you even more coz i know you love me and you will not let me go. i really hope one day we cud be together, no matter what happens. :|

i hope things will get to normal as soon as possible.. i know ure mad at me coz yeah, i dont have the rights to check all your stuff but i cudnt help it. im sorry sayang.. :~(

mungkin ni satu pengajaran la kat aku.. jgn pandai2 usik brg org.. even abah pun tak suka mak usik hp dia. tak tau la ada hidden agenda ke apa. but rship is based on trust. without trust, rship means nothing. aku nak janji kat diri sendiri.. from now on, i will not ask him whoever calls/text or even touch his things without his permission. lagipun.. im no one :) not even his wife. who am i to say no to anything that he does? i have no rights to know, enquire, ask, or anything. im just a plain, stubborn girl with anxious heart. sometimes i do things beyond my border. and now i know that ive gone overboard. i dunno whether R will ever trust me again.. :(

ntah lah.. aku pun bnyk kekurangan.. tak semua org perfect.. aku pun tak pernah mintak someone perfect to be my significant other sbb aku tau mmg takkan wujud manusia perfect selain nabi. skang ni segala kekurangan dan kelebihan R, aku terima. aku terima sbb aku syg dia.. tp.. aku tak tau dia boleh terima ke tak kekurangan aku.. aku bnyk sgt yg kurang.. kurang tinggi.. kurang pandai.. kurang gaji.. kurang asam pun ada gak kekadang.. kurang prihatin.. kurang bg perhatian.. tak pandai pujuk.. aku mungkin jugak ego tapi aku tak perasan.. aku cepat marah.. tp aku tak penah dendam.. aku tak penah simpan.. hmm tak cantik.. tak lawa.. kurang dari banyak segi.. apa yg dia nampak kt aku pn aku tak tau.. i hope hes sincere..

kekadang aku fedap nak ada rship.. tp bkn sbb laki.. sbb aku sendiri. aku tak pandai jaga rship.. for things like this.. i really knw that im the one who shud be blamed. kekadang aku takut kalau rship aku tak ke mana.. sbb aku tak yakin dgn diri sendiri.. walaupun aku ckp aku nak strive jd yg terbaik utk sesapa.. aku selalu fail. mungkin tuhan nak balas dosa aku kat DIA selama ni. aku bnyk lupa DIA...

welcome 2008!

wheeeee.. its the first day of 2008! welcome new year, bye bye 2007. rasa mcm baru je makan prosperity burger last year bulan 1.. tetibe ni dah kuar balik. pejam celik je.. aku dah 26 taun ni. aduss.. dem. dah halfway lepas 20-an. hahaha. thank god i DONT look that OLD, YET! hehe.

ari ni aku abiskan edit album. satu hari ngadap pc, dari pagi smpi mlm. tapi petang sempat pi shah alam, gi amik bagpack aku tertinggal kat umah sis wani. went to SACC mall, makan kat asiari. sedap giles food kat situ. highly recommended. balik mlm.. sambung edit smpi nak termuntah.

ari ni tak jumpa R. dia kemas rumah, buat segala benda yg dia pending etc. sian dia.. aku rasa aku banyak curi masa dia. takpela.. start taun ni.. dia dah start kelas.. aku kurang la jumpa dia. hope it helps. and kalau boleh aku nak buat segala kerja edit tu.. tanak bebankan dia. takpelah, few weddings left.. pastu cuti.. sbb takde wedding til march.

tadi on the phone dgn dia, dia cite la yg umi ada sebut pasal OUR wedding nanti should be like this and that. hahaha. i cud hear a sound of happiness in his voice. :) yeay.. at least dah lampu kuning. cucuk2 skit lagi.. dah lampu hijau. pelan2 kayuh.. hehe..

so, whats my resolutions for this year? as i said, malas nak create any. its not that i have no goals, but i dont want to plan something and realizing that i dont really achieve anything at the end of the year. u get what i mean? i just have few things in mind, which is more GENERAL. i want to be a better person; be it to my family, my boss, my colleagues, and to be more successful and more perserverance this year.. and insya allah, tanak tinggal solat. :)

da!